I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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