I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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