I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
