what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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