Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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