This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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