real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
