You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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