My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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