I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize