We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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