distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
