Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
