I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
