im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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