Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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