You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
