forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
