thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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