Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jerry, you need to find god
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
