Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
