I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
