Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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