Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
