dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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