They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sext me about skeletons
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
