...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
