I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He? As in you personified your dick?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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