did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need help removing her.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
