Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
