there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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