I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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