We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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