I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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