i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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