dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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