When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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