At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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