And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
