I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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