I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
