Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this just has baby written all over it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
