I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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