I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are the jesus of drinking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
