why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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