I hope mine doesn't look like that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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