Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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