TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
