I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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