It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
