How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
