All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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