Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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