Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
