Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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